Christian Pure

Is Kissing Before Marriage a Sin? Not in Itself, but Lust Can Make It One

Christian Pure Team

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Summary

  • No verse in the Bible forbids kissing before marriage. Scripture forbids lust (Matthew 5:28) and sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3), and asks Christians to treat one another “with all purity” (1 Timothy 5:2).
  • Most kisses in the Bible are greetings between relatives and friends, and the first Christians greeted one another with “an holy kiss” (Romans 16:16). Only the Song of Solomon celebrates romantic kissing, between a bride and her beloved.
  • A kiss is not fornication, which the Catechism of the Catholic Church defines as “carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman.” A kiss given for lust is still a sin of the heart.
  • Thomas Aquinas taught that a kiss is not gravely sinful by its nature, but that kisses done for the pleasure of lust are grave sins.
  • Catholic, Orthodox, Lutheran and Reformed teaching asks for chastity without setting a rule on kissing. Evangelical writers differ; Got Questions Ministries calls making out as a normal part of dating a sin.
  • Some couples, especially those who prefer courtship to dating, save their first kiss for the wedding. Neither dating nor courtship is commanded in Scripture.
  • For anyone who has gone further than they meant to, Scripture promises: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Kissing before marriage is not a sin in itself: no verse in the Bible forbids it. What Scripture forbids is lust and sexual immorality, and it asks Christians to honour one another. A kiss becomes a sin when it is given for lust, leads toward sex outside marriage, or takes advantage of someone. What does the Bible say about kissing? Most kisses in the Bible are greetings and goodbyes between relatives and friends. When Jacob met his cousin Rachel at…

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Bibliography (Click to show)
  • The Holy Bible, King James Version: Genesis 29:10–12; 1 Samuel 20:41; Proverbs 7:13; Song of Solomon 1:2; 4:9; 8:1; Matthew 5:27–28; Luke 22:47–48; Romans 14:23; 16:16; 1 Corinthians 7:1–2; 1 Thessalonians 4:3–6; 1 Timothy 5:1–2; 1 Peter 5:14; 1 John 1:9, via BibleGateway. 1 Thessalonians 4:4–6 compared in the NIV, ESV and NRSV-CE, with their footnotes, on the same site.
  • Athenagoras of Athens, A Plea for the Christians, chapter 32, translated by B. P. Pratten, Ante-Nicene Fathers, vol. 2, New Advent; date of the Plea from “Athenagoras”, The Catholic Encyclopedia (1907), New Advent.
  • Clement of Alexandria, The Instructor (Paedagogus), Book III, chapter 11, translated by William Wilson, Ante-Nicene Fathers, vol. 2, New Advent.
  • Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologiae, II-II, question 154, article 4, “Whether there can be mortal sin in touches and kisses?”, translated by the Fathers of the English Dominican Province, New Advent; dates from “St. Thomas Aquinas”, The Catholic Encyclopedia (1912), New Advent.
  • Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraphs 2337–2353, “The Vocation to Chastity”, vatican.va, and paragraphs 1855–1858, “Mortal and Venial Sin”, vatican.va.
  • Martin Luther, The Small Catechism, the Sixth Commandment, Book of Concord, bookofconcord.org.
  • The Westminster Larger Catechism, questions 137–139, as published by the Orthodox Presbyterian Church, opc.org.
  • Orthodox Church in America, The Hub, “Two Become One”, Session 7, “Glorify God in Your Body and Spirit”: Chastity and Celibacy, oca.org.
  • Got Questions Ministries, “How far is too far?”, gotquestions.org, and “What is the difference between dating and courting?”, gotquestions.org.
  • Anna Hitchings, “Keeping the kiss for marriage – do I or don’t I?”, The Catholic Weekly, 25 August 2020, catholicweekly.com.au.
  • Kris Swiatocho and Cliff Young, “Is Kissing Before Marriage Really a Sin?”, He Said-She Said, Crosswalk.com, updated 21 January 2025, crosswalk.com.

Responses

  1. Anon Avatar
    Anon

    I think kissing is really important to a relationship. If a man or woman shouldn’t have sex outside of marriage, how are they going to know if they’re physically going to please each other in marriage? Kissing is the best way to do that. Other intimacy like caressing and fondling is important, too, but kissing is the main one. As cold as, possibly, it can seem to think of it this way, dating is testing someone as a marriage partner. Respecting boundaries and clear communication is a must. They should have some physical intimacy, and mutually agree on what is okay and what is not. Because of the importance of kissing, I wouldn’t even see an issue with a couple kissing with tongue/making out after a date or two, or even a first date. Frankly, if they got handsy over clothes, while that’s certainly accelerating things quickly, I’d have the opinion that they must really be into each other. Even if it escalated to slipping hands under the back or into the top of garments, while that’s moving fast and could be unwise, at the same I’d think that this means they must be very into each other. Regardless of whether they French kissed when first dating or waited until later, if a couple is engaged, I’d almost expect that sometimes, when they’re together, not all clothes stay on, and it’s perhaps not an issue if no clothes at all stay on.

    Reply
    1. JD Avatar
      JD

      On your point about engagement, yes, I’d say it’s normal for an engaged couple to be getting hot and heavy, and this probably means that they’ll have a good honeymoon. Yes, they should save direct sex acts for the honeymoon, but if they’re all over each other, and even undoing and removing clothes, it’s not an ethical issue, in my opinion, and it just means that they’re really into each other. Nothing wrong with them getting familiar with each other in anticipation of the wedding night and honeymoon.

      Reply

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